My Life

Jesus You are the saviour of my soul

2009-11-04T02:19:00.002+08:00

Its about time I update my blog. I've been into heavy thinking recently. So much that it might affect my own being.

Sometime I just wonder does my dad even treat me like his son? I do appreciate him and stuff but does he even care that he has son ? I don't really feel anything he does for me or should I say does he even do anything for me? I know he does stuff for me but they are either bad memories or memories that don't last.

Sigh

Inspiration

2009-07-10T02:27:00.002+08:00

I was just inspired to blog once again by my good old primary school classmate. May sound hilarious but its true! Its brings us all the way back to primary school when I first met him in class 2-8 and I think the teacher that taught us was Mr Yeo. I've no idea where he is now but I do hope he's still alive and kickin! He's one cool old dude man. So much memories left behind in St Andrews and it starts to draw a picture as I think of the past. To people who knew the old Nicholas Chew, they wouldn't want that fella back right now. Honestly, I was a terror when I was young. People gave me names like Chucky and Little Rascal. Sounds like I had a rough past eh?

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Now playing: Nichole Nordeman - Why
via FoxyTunes

What's going on with Nicholas? Something catastrophic has happened? Shugs.

2009-05-11T02:20:00.000+08:00

I shouldn't be doing this at a time like this but I find that there's too much inside of me that has to be expressed through words if not, conversations. I have lost this feeling of urgency. I'm really trying to gain it back. My senses are numb as for currently. I have yet to find what's the cause of this feeling. My feelings are relied on my actions. How I act determines my feelings. Sometimes I'd just stare blankly at the recent gloomy sky. Watch as the rain comes and wet the whole area. Creating a mess out of everything in its way. Wonder how much damage it might cause to the people around. I can just blankly stare into it for hours not getting bored but what do I gain? I will not gain anything through this action.

I want to do so much but there are so much restrictions in growing up/life. Well its part and parcels of life, growing up. I'll just have to be patient.

I'm still wondering what's planned for me ahead and I wonder what's on God's mind that's planned out for me. Seriously I wonder and think about this. I have a long day tomorrow and I'm spending my time blogging now. Can't carry on like this. My sleeping habits have to change! Seriously an urgent change is what I crave now! So many unexpected happenings occurred these few weeks. Well, some were pleasant and some weren't. Unfortunately, I'm involved in afew of these happenings. I've got to get some rest now before my exam tomorrow.

Cheers readers although I think there aren't any. =\

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Now playing: Sarah Brightman - Winter in July
via FoxyTunes

Vulgarities. What creates the addiction? I constantly pray that God will change you back once again who you used to be.

2009-05-09T09:01:00.005+08:00

Conclusion, my sleeping habits have changed. I can't live on like this once again. I used to have insomnia. Getting it almost every week of my secondary school life. Just getting plain upset to receive it once again. I hope that it'll change soon!

I've been up to lots of thinking these 3 days. Thinking about my plans, worries and family. I have a great family to begin with. Some might not agree with me yet some do. I thank God for placing me into this family. Sometimes I do get alittle pissed @ the things my parents do but nevertheless, they're after all my parents. I have to really appreciate my aunts and uncles. They are really nice people to know. Being their nephew, I really sense the love from them. The love they portrait to their kids too. I do look up to them as good upbringing for their kids. I want to set myself a standard through their actions like spending quality time with their kids and spouse. I want to make sure that I do that even if time makes it hard.

Anything can be a problem but its what we want that problem's outcome to be lies in our hands. I currently have problems. Even the world's successful person do have problems. Problems are never far from anyone. Its how we face that issue and how we manage matters. I do want to face my problems and issues in a different matter. Facing the problems sometimes takes courage too and where do we gain this courage? I find my courage in Christ. God has never fail to see me through every problem and issue. Its just whether I want to look for Him or not.

There are so many things to yak about but I need to find time to catch up on rest too. Its about time I turn in before heading down to Ps Richard's house. I need to find that place too. Not sure how I'm gonna get there but I'm sure I'm gonna get there somehow.

Sometimes it takes time to heal wounds whereas sometimes the would are penetrated so deep its hard to know when it'll heal

I love you God and I haven't live a day without thanking You. Continue looking after Jolene, keeping her away from trouble. Continue to mould her too.

2009-05-04T02:17:00.007+08:00

Being sick doesn't feel good. Getting sick perpetually is worst. I'm getting sick on a consistent basis these days. Does the brain play a part in this sickening area? I have much so much on my mind these days and I've decided to drop all the thinking and put myself in action. No point thinking so much too. There has to be a limit to thinking. I have not set that limit yet but I will set that one day. I just hope the day comes soon.

"The primary fact that Jesus is alive is enough to give me reason to praise Him"

My mind still thinks of you every now and then. I would really love to see you right now. Wonder how have you been these few weeks.

2009-05-03T01:47:00.002+08:00

Realised that I'm blessed with family members who really care about my well being and my welfare. I can't express my love and concern for them currently and it really sucks to be in a state where I want to do something for them yet I can't. I have not thank God enough for this blessing. I really feel like running away far from where I am now but its a really selfish thinking to be thought of.

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Now playing: David Archuleta - Crush
via FoxyTunes

I have not yet found what I was looking for. I thought I did find but it kind of backfired and I must say that I did rush @ things too. I have many regrets but my uncle told me once that if you don't change now, you'll regret even more. Change the thinking and he believe I'll succeed. I have no confidence in myself no more. Its that I've been bitten over and over again. I wonder when is this ever gonna stop?

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Now playing: Damien Rice - Cannonball
via FoxyTunes

I do wonder sometimes if my aunts and uncle understands how I feel and feel what I've gone through. Having the intentions of pouring myself out once again. Wondering what I'm doing this for too. Am I gaining attentions or do I just write/type my hearts out. Feeling really caught up this time round. I haven't been myself recently. I do feel different too. Wonder if what did happen was the reason for my being this way. Sigh

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Now playing: David Cook - Declaration
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Define Simplicity. Living each day thinking about the past leads to no where. I still do think of you everyday,

2009-05-02T03:13:00.002+08:00

I realised that I've been a laughing stock and I do not really take it to heart. What really matters most currently is my relationship with God and studies. I really need to get back in track with God and for my studies, I need to focus more on it now. I have been thinking alot recently and I realised that thinking gets me no where. Its about time I should stop thinking and execute my plans. There's a thinking process I should place before actions too but thinking moderately is what I have in mind. Its just that I have no control of thinking moderate. I have to get right with stuff nowadays. I've just been upset over alot of issues that happened. Not knowing where else to run to, I've decided to occupy myself with things to do. I'm really lost right now and have no motivation to continue this post. Just shoot me.

Was thinking again and couldn't find an answer. Do I invite trouble myself of do trouble come find me due to my invitations? Not knowingly, I do invite troubles. Why do things screw up when ever I encounter them. I thought that things were going fine. It really sucks to be me in this situation. I wonder when will I ever learn not to fall into temptations.

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Now playing: Paramore - Misery Business
via FoxyTunes

I still wanna love you like I did before.

2009-04-19T05:40:00.002+08:00

Throughout this week, my mind was running pretty wild. I had thoughts that weren't considered right nor wrong. I haven't face-ed anything like that before. If there was choice to picture this other wise, I would so love to face this scenario in a different way. I would want things to end of differently and have a different starting manner too.

I have so much to elaborate but have no motivation to carry on continuing this post. I wonder what's gonna happen throughout this year. I'm so curious on the situation that's happening currently. I really hate to see this going on and I can't seem to find the start of all the happenings. The way it ended seems so drastically. It affected me in the biggest possible manner.

Shouldn't continue this post anymore. I have no motivation nor any inspiration to do so too.

Hurts to see this go on everyday

2009-04-17T06:09:00.001+08:00

Been spending my time unwisely these few days. I haven't been sleeping in days and only had rest on Thursday morning. Its about time I prepare to get to school. Sigh

I've been thinking of you very minute I'm alive

2009-04-15T03:47:00.001+08:00

I have always love-ed you and this isn't how I want it to become. I really hope that think would change in time to come. I pray that God will let a change in this situation that is happening.

God I want to start me daily devotion with you once again.. Its about time I want to get serious with my devotion.. I've been delaying this for a really long time and I cannot live without You.. Its an unbearable pain without You and I felt that you drifted further and further each day I stop communicating to you.. I thank You for my uncle who did encourage me to talk to You and commit myself to you each day I'm alive.. I do feel that my life is already been wasted and I have nothing else but you.. I messed up the past few months and I thought I had a genuine relationship with you but I've been feeding up the wrong area in my life.. I need to get back on track with you.. I really want to have a better relationship with you each time I talk to you.. I do want to get back back with you and I've decided to start somewhere.. Lord please hear my prayers and show me a revelation.. Show me how my relations with You will be in time to come.. Go, this is what I want to receive from you currently.. I've got so much more to ask from you and its time to rest but I've got a restless mind that's constantly running.. LORD please calm my mind from running wildly and uncontrollably.. This has been going on for 3 weeks and counting.. I'm getting really exhausted sometimes my mind wants to give up.. I'm very very tired this is my 2nd request to you.. I'm shaking as I finish my 2nd request.. Why is all these happening?? Its really upsetting to see so many issues happening.. Its so much to contain and its hard to accept all @ once. HARD !! Its really hard.. It is painful too.. Very PAINFUL =( I've never been so upset in my 18 come 19 years life.. I'm afraid that someday, I'll just break down and there isn't any of me left.. I feel that my mind is eating itself up as each second goes by.. I never thought that this would happen to me but am I going crazy? Is my mind going to a point that it'll lose its relevant thoughts and it just thinks of irrelevant stuff?? I pray that this woun't be a part of my life.. I really don't want it to happen but if You want it to happen, I have no choice to live with it..

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Now playing: Mika - Happy Ending
via FoxyTunes

Missing her every minute of my days left on earth

2009-04-14T00:41:00.002+08:00

Tired but no will to pull myself to bed . Been dozing off in-front of my comp for awhile now and I just continue this thinking process . I want to spend more time with God . I really want to get back and get right with Him once again yet that there are parts of my life I have to give in/up . Not sure what to do currently now . Once again , I'm lost . Not knowing what my next steps are and just following blindly . Sooner or later , I'll be in National service not knowing I'd already enter in and serving in it . Predicting blood shed during this tormenting process I'm facing . Sheesh I'm in a mess now . Still finding solutions and a way out of this . I never wanted to face something like this where its being tied between a choice I have to choose . I'm one step closer to the edge and I'm about to break . Breaking down is one thing but breaking in is some issue that I have no idea what it is . Life's tough and what's making it worst is me . I was the one who choose to enter this path and I'm looking for a solution now . I'm depriving myself of sleep once again and I decide to end it here .

Send me to a place where I can fly high and roam free

I wanna start a fight

2009-04-13T09:21:00.002+08:00

Arrived back in Singapore yesterday around 2pm . My mind was thinking constantly and haven't had time to really rest . Throughout the flight, I was wide awake for 14hours++ . Its torturous and what keeps me wide really got me thinking about what I was thinking . The in-flight movies kept me occupied for awhile but I really want to wait for the right time to watch them . I didn't really enjoy these 3 weeks emotionally & mentally maybe alittle physically but with so much on my mind , I really hate to live life like this . Suffering like there isn't any other way out of this mess . Been messing up myself in ways I don't realised .

17th Day in London without her

2009-04-08T02:36:00.002+08:00

Today happens to be the 17th day I've been away from Singapore. I've never been so upset in my life and the worst area is that I'm in a foreign country. Its stupid for me to think of ways to end this misery I'm facing and there are tremendous stress I've been facing. There are (TBC)

Past, Present & God's plan

2009-04-06T01:57:00.002+08:00

These 2 weeks have been tough for me as I'm not used to cold climate here and although its not hell , I couldn't take it's coldness . Sheesh, I'm tired after the 2nd line . Realised I've not taken my Breakfast nor lunch for today . I have to look for food before I collapse .

My Stomach

2009-04-04T04:08:00.001+08:00

Hungry but no appetite =| Suck eh ? Having gastric problems this 2 days . Haven't been eating well too =X Foods here are not that expensive but some of them are really expensive =|

Dinner

2009-04-02T22:19:00.003+08:00

Yesterday, before dinner, We went laptop shopping in Oxford Circus for my aunt and uncle. I was so tempted to buy a laptop for someone as the comps here are much cheaper and some you couldn't find it in SG. The reason why they asked me along cause I have a background of computer knowledge. I did help them to select the laptop and they bought 4 sets. Paid less than $4000 SGD for 4 computers which is equalivent to $800-$900 + per set. Pretty cheap and I was really tempted to get one for someone who needs a computer.

Last night's dinner was great but when it came to the bill, it reached almost £300 pounds . I was amazed how much we ate and I regretted ordering so much . My auntie foot the bill for 10 of us and I felt guilty that she has to pay £300 for our dinner . We did surely enjoy the food but after dinner, I felt that there's a need for me to stop eating so much when I'm upset . I eat alot when I'm upset and its way more than how I eat normally . I feel so clogged up not with food inside of me but with the emotions that I can't release . I have felt like this since the day I arrived in London . Suffering and given a cold turkey treatment . I feel like exploding and breaking down these 2 weeks I'm here . People usually get excited when they're in a new country for the first time but my feelings for entering London doesn't seem to excite me a single bit @ all . Infact I'm upset that I left SG @ such a short notice =\

GOD can you please help me ?? =( I'm really really upset. I can't show how upset I am externally but I'm crying inside of me for a change ! Its really painful, Lord help me please ?

Mind Overload

2009-04-02T20:02:00.005+08:00

The first thing that came into my mind when I woke up is have I forgotten all the thoughts I had the previous day but it triggered off and everything came back which made me feel really emotionless now. Feelings are hard to retain and control. I have done many regretful things in the past and till now, it still haunts me. I really screwed up myself now and why do I face more and more problems. I feel emptier and emptier every time these thoughts come by. I feel that my mind is getting heavier and heavier as well. Can someone please answer me why do I face all these shits ?

I want all these unending thinkings to stop and I just don't find a reason for these thinkings to carry on. I'll just create more and more problems for me. I have no goals nor plans for the time being and I have no idea what I want to do with myself too. I might as well just lay here and rot to the day I die. I find no purpose of living any longer. People might think I'm selfish or self-centered but I really cannot find a fitting in any of the things I do. I don't benefit anyone when I'm here not benefit and purpose. I'm just repeating myself which I don't want to be doing.

I'm an unhappy, unwanted, unloved, unappreciated, under tremendous pressure, regretted my old doings person. Sometimes I wonder why was I place here for ? To be a glutton for punishment ? I just find no more will to carry on myself. I have no goals nor future. I'm really unhappy with things that happening. Why is there a financial crisis @ the moment and when the President of United States of America comes down to have a talk, why are there riots and strikes ! Some things are meant to be left unknown but why do these happen ? I don't understand the complications of a human mind. Why are these minds so different ? Do they find joy and happiness in doing these ? I myself don't know what joy and happiness means anymore. I can't find joy nor happiness in things I do now. I'm still wanting to serve God and I do want to seek joy and happiness serving Him but the truth is I can't seem to attain it.

I'm an empty person in a foreign country. I find no reason to go back to Singapore but I have left behind so much that becomes a reason for me to go back. 2ndly, I have to be back to serve in the national service if not, I'll get myself and my family into trouble with the government in Singapore. I have no passion to do more stuff. No will to carry on myself. No compassion for those around me. No feelings for myself nor anything & No life.

2009-04-02T01:28:00.001+08:00

http://www.facebook.com/ext/share.php?sid=73758003536&h=vZ_Q1&u=Q8Y4y

2009-04-02T01:26:00.001+08:00

http://www.facebook.com/ext/share.php?sid=65437034157&h=jdvW6&u=z6ntQ

Happy Birthday Stanley

2009-04-02T00:18:00.003+08:00

Happy 31st Birthday Stanley. Sorry I can't spend time with you on your b'day. I hope to be able to get you something for your b'day. I have thought of the item to get you already but I can't find time to get it. I really hope there'll be time to get it for you bro.

Throughout this week, I've been occupied with so much thoughts that I can't find the will to continue myself anymore. I've been through so many issues that I can't control my own emotions. Sometimes I wonder why did I get myself into this mess and it has always been my fault.

London is basically going on strike and riots are happening all around the country. I'm locking myself in my hotel room now keeping myself safe from all the riotings and strikes. The RBS bank in London has their windows smashed by them and there are riot police all around London now. Apparantly, one reason its like this is because Obama is holding the G20 summit in London excel centre. 2ndly, on thursday, my uncle is holding a conference there too! I hope I'm able to see Obama in person. See if I'm able to snap a photo of him. Not only him, but 19 other ministers from all over the world gathered to resolve this financial crisis that we're facing now.

I hope that things would be resolve and be back to normal. I just hope that it'll be back to normal when I'm back in Singapore.

Once again.. Happy 31st Birthday Stanley

G20

2009-03-28T20:09:00.003+08:00

ps: I love you. I really do

Its been 6 days since since I've left Singapore. I'm beginning to miss so many people back in Singapore.

I love my dad for bringing my camera to London for me and these are the few shots I took upon receiving my camera. Thanks Dad.
Currently London is a wet and dampy country. Its freezing as well. As I was walking with my dad back to the apartment, it rained and there was hail stones too! Hail stones are rain drops that freezes before hitting the ground so its quite dangerous to walk in the hail stones cause they are basically ice bits falling from the sky.

I've been thinking extraordinary these past 6 days. I have left someone whom I want to be with back in Singapore and yet things have been really bad. I just can't imaging that things would turn out this way. Spoke to my uncle and he's one encouraging guy. I thank God for blessing me with him! I really appreciate God for placing him in my life too! It was his encouragement and my family that made me change for the better. I really love him alot. His care and concern for people is far greater than any other relatives. Not being bias but I find that he has alot more knowledge to advice people around him. Amazing guy and I hope that he'll continue to do what he's doing to impact more people around. He a millionaire too but he doesn't take credit for his wealth and fortune. I'm amazed by his character! This guy is a man of God. His principles are backed-up with Godly principles.

I believe that this is causing me to worry so much on current situation. What is success and faithfulness? Which is more important. This was the question my uncle asked. I replied him to achieve success for my state, is to have faithfulness being successful. This was what he replied, to have success is to fulfill goals that have been planned out and faithfulness is to keep in view of your goals and not to keep changing goals. There was this guy that has this goal. In his life, the only goal that he wants to achieve is to be an astronaut. After afew years, he achieved his goal and was sent to space. And afew years later, he was back and he became mad. The reason why he became mad was because there wasn't anymore goals for him. He basically had only one goal in life and after fulfilling it, he has no more will to live. It sucks eh?

I'll find more time to blog once again and These are the only 2 photos I'll share now. I'll find more time to post photos again.

Cheers readerS!

I just hope things would change for the better. I really hope so!

Chew my heart up

2009-03-26T17:00:00.000+08:00

This is the 4th day in London and things have been really messed up. People I've left behind haven't been all well and I'm really concern about them. I myself am thinking of getting a new flight back to Singapore as soon as possible.

I was so deep in thoughts that I lost my way back to my apartment and ended up walking in the cold summer nights with temperature as low as 2 degrees. Freezing myself off while walking back to where I don't know! I ended up taking the 2nd most expensive taxi ride. Its roughly around $50SGD and that wasn't the most expensive cab ride I've took. The most expensive one was in Paris where the fare was $200SGD. Believe it or not. It was the most I've spent on one taxi ride but I must say that it was a comfortable ride. I got lost twice yesterday due to deep thinking and ended up somewhere which I don't know where I was. The worst part was that my battery died on me again but thank God that this time I had an extra phone but I didn't really used it.

Managed to get back to my apartment before 12am and I just blacked out once I hit my bed. Woke up early this morning and started to think once again. My mind never stops thinking about those who means alot to me . I just hope to be back soon to help those who are suffering and I really want to help them.

These are the current issues on my mind and cheers readers.. Sigh =\

Nicholas Chew

2009-03-23T20:11:00.003+08:00

My days in London aren't making me excited about it at all. Firstly I never like to leave my close ones back home in SG. My whole family is back in SG while I'm alone here with my uncle. Don't be mistaken, I love my uncle very much. Its just that 2 of us in a foreign country alone.

Something I like about this country is that my movie DL speed rules all others!! A 799MB movie takes around 10mins(fastest record) to 30mins(slowest record).

Plans to visit the Buckingham palace and Hillsong London. Can't wait for those to happen. Shoppings here are awesome as well. For 5 pound, I can get a top from brands like esprit, Topman and Dorothy Perkins. I just can't imaging the sales they have here. How low can they pull down to. A suit from H&M cost mearly 60 pounds. That's a great buy! Just have to watch what I'm spending on. I've already spend 100 pounds for travel around London from the airport to the apartment where I met my uncle and I'm staying there currently.

After arriving in London, I made my first phone call to my dad informing that I've touched down safely and there's nothing to worry about for me. In fact that I got sort of lost @ the train station. To be honest, the station is HUGE and its not like any Dolby Ghaut station. Its almost 3 to 4 times bigger than that!! Amazingly I had my phone battery died on me and the last phone call I made was to my uncle. His words to me was to take a cab to where he was and I followed his instructions to hire a cab. My first cab fare was 5 pounds and my uncle said it was relatively cheap! I thought that I did something right for once but when Nicky told me about how near the station was to the apartment, I realised that I've been scammed! Getting lost on the first day upon arrival. Haha what an experience.

No photos for now but I'll update soon. I have really good Internet connection here. Cheers readers (:

Get well soon alright? It hurt to see you suffering from all these that are happening.. I hope you'll seek God for strength =)

2009-03-18T03:04:00.002+08:00

Haven't slept in 25 hours and counting.. I find that sleeping becomes a chore but I need to rest. Why does this happen again. I never wanted this to happen but somehow, it just comes back. I'm seriously a glutton for punishment. A magnet for problems as well. Somehow problems find its way to me and I have to face them myself. I need to end all these. Balance out my life properly. Dropping all these and running away from all these doesn't stop there. I have to find a solution to end this issue. My life wasted by thinking so much. How I hope I'll never come to this extend to lose the friendship between us.d

School today was pretty amazing. I am still wondering how I managed to stay awake for my lectures! I guess my teacher made the lesson interesting. I feel that my system might be breaking down soon. I guess it'll end all misery but I'm afraid that it would affect my family. I don't know who else it'll affect but I guess that it doesn't matter much either.

I wanna get a new Nicholas. Maybe after NS, I'll probably migrate away from Singapore. I may sound selfish but I see it as an opportunity to not invite problems back to myself. I wanna runaway! Far far away.. I need to breakaway too.. What you may see in my physical self isn't my emotional self. I may look fine but inside of me is all broken up. To an extend that I don't know who I am anymore. All I know is that I love my God & Family. I don't even know who I am anymore. Losing my identity. Who in the world is Nicholas Chew. Who gives a damn who I am. Who I am doesn't matter to anyone. I'm just a freaking human who's lost his identity. I wanna find back my identity in Christ. I just find it useless to live on like that. Even thou I proclaim my Lord's name and I accept Him as my Lord, my God & my savior. I find myself being the worst or the worst. Jesus please take me to where all these wouldn't matter!!!!

I'm facing the edge of the cliff and I don't know what's my next step gonna be..

Unfair

2009-03-17T04:34:00.001+08:00

I've never liked my life. I find that problems are always beside me. I find that my life is seriously unfair. I don't understand why does it always have to be like this. It will always happen to me. No matter what I do nor what I don't do. Sighs

God is Good

2009-03-17T03:00:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I do wonder if the devil is mocking me? I feel so caught up & being placed in a tight spot now. Somehow rather, I find that the people around me are controlling me and watching out for what I do. This feels like as thou I'm a prisoner or some wanted person. I feel like I'm taking the final step towards the cliff and its only one more step over the cliff. I just feel like taking that one last step. The selfish me and the not so sensible me is taking over me once again. God why is all these happening in my life? I wouldn't want it to be like this. Life is just plain complicated. Sad and complicated. Why must this happen again & again.

Upsetting

2009-03-15T05:12:00.005+08:00

Something's bothering me right now . I can't seem to sleep =\ Guess I won't be resting till much later.. Sigh

Why do these thinking surface up in my life? I can't seem to sleep well these few days as I'm confuse . It hurts to see people who don't deserved being called names that aren't pleasing . There isn't a need to judge the people whom I mix with . I do not judge your people you mix with as well . I just find that you're intruding into my own personal life . Its like taking something that you love so dearly without you knowing and it just disappears from you . It sucks

Updates

2009-03-15T00:54:00.003+08:00

Throughout this week, there were many incidents that happened. Korean BBQ, Projects, School, Birthdays and More Birthday Celebrations.

Guess I don't have any inspiration to blog now. Have to rest early for tomorrow too.. Ciaos

Shalom

2009-03-06T02:04:00.000+08:00

Previous post was just a post with emotions . I believe that we should live each day for God & not men . Who are you that I should be living each day for you ? I am nothing before my creator & I know that there are so much that has been happening . Even as for myself , I'm being affected deeply BUT! (Nehemiah 8:10) for the joy of the LORD is your strength. I think that mainly these happenings that are taking place is because satan wants to shake our foundations. I have to continue this post another time since I have no inspiration to continue on.

Geeeeeeeeeeeees

2009-02-24T01:13:00.002+08:00

Been feeling alittle miserable these few days. Kinda have this song stuck in my head. Misery Business - Paramore

Will blog again when I feel like it

Inspiration

2009-02-22T03:47:00.004+08:00

Great is someone who has trust and is respected by people and doesn't claim glory for himself.. People are given leadership positions for a reason . Reason being to make an impact on someone and not to abuse your leadership post . I feel a need to post something like this . Gosh . I'm so confuse now .

Club J was pretty awesome today. I think that Oon Jin did a good job with the speech too. Good job with the preparation and the decorations. Think it was Joyce's cluster which did alot with the decorations and people like Dennis, Dominic, Daniel, Ryan, Po Ping.
I seriously think that the runway part was quite fun and it give the new people an impression that church is not that of a boring place but we still can have fun & yet serve God @ the same time. I do hope that Wei Chien will decide to make a stand and accept Jesus to his life. Prayers do work wonders! Hallelujah.

Ps: Ryan don't be to hard on yourself! You're still a nice person! I don't find anything wrong in the things you do but you have to watch what you're doing sometimes. We're all changing so its alright to get into trouble. Just remember to erase what you did wrong in the past and change! Do not repeat your wrong doings (:

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Now playing: Final Fantasy Soundtrack - 1000 words
via FoxyTunes
I see so much in common but yet there's a gut feeling that I don't belong anywhere near you. I'm sorry for the things I've done and the things I've said in the past. Just let us start afresh and remain as friends (: It'll all turn out better! I find no point going on.

throw it all away

2009-02-16T22:20:00.004+08:00

Its been sometime since I've last updated my blog. Someone has been bugging me to update it more often. Last week was a busy week. Had many Japanese videos to catch up with (darts). Shouldn't say more. Anyway, things have been really good for instance, dance practice.. Although I wasn't physically fit to give my 100% in practicing, I did manage to practice with them. As for time management, I'm still struggling with that issue but it has been going great! I've been putting in effort to wake up earlier these few weeks.

Nicholas isn't gay. People might think otherwise but I'm straight! 100% straight.

I seriously need a great escape =X

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Now playing: Boys Like Girls - The Great Escape
via FoxyTunes

controlled

2009-02-12T00:17:00.002+08:00

This isn't love. Define love? I'm being alittle random now. This subject came up due to an advertisement that popped up on MTV. No one deserves love abuse.. What are all these people up to nowadays? Getting all abusive to your partner?

Anyway, what's wrong with me these past few days? I've been having weird thoughts & its really driving me crazy. Like I have already enough to think about and this is just adding on to the pile. School has been a great thing recently. I'm beginning to appreciate what I learn in school. Much to know yet the brain can only contain that much.

Have been checking out some stuff that really interest me. Saw this bike that's gonna cost around 3K++++ if I were to purchase it and I'm saving up for my Strat/Tele soon.. So one thing @ a time.. No hurries in getting the bike. I really hope that I won't be a materialist when I have too many things in the near future. Need to keep a healthy spending limit too!

Thanks Benn & Jolene for buying me dinner and drinks today. Many other people to thank as well but these 2 just came up and its a blessing to have them around.

goober

2009-02-09T23:46:00.002+08:00

Apparently, I have nothing to update.

Was in M'sia from Saturday to Sunday. To my surprise, I met up with my long lost cousin. Haven't seen him for almost 10 years! haha Gosh.. anyway.. i'll update tomorrow or something. I have to go off now.. Am Tired!!

Updates

2009-02-09T14:38:00.002+08:00

Been busy these days. I have so much to say and I can't possibly type all of them out now but realised the change in my blog. Thanks to afew people and lots of help, I have a new blog skin. Thank you!

My mom got baptized too!! Hallelujah thank you Jesus. I'm glad for my mom. I was in M'sia attending some family gathering and I represented on behalf of my family.

So much to say yet so little time. God bless you readers =) Will update when I'm back..

Doesn't solve anything

2009-01-28T06:36:00.001+08:00

This post is mainly to reflect on myself. What am I doing this for? Even before wanting to blog about this, my mind is full of things that are circling around and it's really annoying to let all these thinking do its thinking by itself. I know that thinking can be controlled if I were to put in effort. I'm sorry to hurt the people around me and I think I've not fulfilled my duty as what I am. In the first place, who am I? My duty as a son is to be a son to my parents. I seriously don't think that I'm a good son. I really want to change my lifestyle and myself. There are afew attempts to type out some words that aren't nice at all but I choose not to as it'll affect the people around me more.

Like what people always say, Talk Is Cheap Where Is The Action and When Are They Coming? Talk is really cheap. You don't have to do anything but just to open your dirty filthy mouth and something comes out. I stated dirty filthy mouth is cause most of the people around me have really smelly mouth. Once they open them, negative words and wrong usage of vocabulary will always be pleasing to the ears of the world. Well not all of us have dirty filthy mouth but I'm just stating the majority. I wouldn't want to be part of the world as they contributes nothing but damage to what God has promised. I do want to see a change in everything around. And I really meant everything. I don't expect everything to change as well but I want to see that majority will be changed.

Can't carry on with this post any longer. I'm tiring myself out like working a slave. Sigh

First 10 days

2009-01-10T23:43:00.002+08:00

First 10 days of the new year has been really rush.. There are so much things to blog about and I can't find a starting line. To summarize on what happened,

I fell sick in the first week of school,
I was late for school too,
I got both of my road bikes fixed,
Gave my bike to Benn,
Went night cycling too,
Taking business management this semester,
School is basically getting better & better,
Celebrated Daniel's 24th Birthday.
Clean out my room/ Springcleaning.

So basically this was what I did during the first 10 days of the new year. I'm sorry but I think that this was a pretty boring post.

Back today, there tomorrow

2008-12-31T04:14:00.003+08:00

As I spent my time with the people I cherish most this 2 days, I'm back in SG finally to do some packing for tomorrow's trip where I will be heading down the same road to a new destination. I went down to Ipoh with Josiah & Daniel and it was an amazing trip. Love the scenery there but the food there was AWESOME!! It was one of the best worst food I've ever tasted. Took alot of photos and we had fun. Sorry for some of the things I did through out the trip which caused unhappiness.

Reached home @ around 3am this morning and washed up and am packing my bag for camp tomorrow. Feeling really excited as it'll be my first camp with HMI and its in a resort. Sounds really really exciting. Muahahahahahahahahahahahaha

years end

2008-12-29T08:07:00.002+08:00

As the year finally reaches to its end, I wanna take some time to appreciate people around me.

MALE

1.Benn Xie, For not giving up hope on me. For being there to listen to my worries and to give me advices.
2.Daniel Tai & Travis Tai, For taking your time to really sit down and have a chat with me.. The time schedue for both of you are tight but you 2 never fail to put God first in the picture.
3.Ryan Tsao, For being so childlike for God and stayovers @ my place. Thank you
4.David Lin, For opening up and becoming a greater person than what he was before. Seen the change, heard the change and felt the change in him.
5.Josiah Khoo, For being my Polar bear in my life. Actually for listening to me as well and the rides back home too after church!
6.Dominic Koh, For brother brother around church!
7.Dennis Tay, For his faithful walk with God that inspired me. @ times while on the bus back to TPY, he'll take time to talk to strangers and asking them about their life. Trying to let them know who our God is and to see if they are willing to let Him into their life. Really inspiring.
8.Stanley, For being the muscle power in the men area
9.Winston, For bringing up the group's liveliness.

FEMALE

1.Victoria Chew, For being my lovely sister and she cares alot about my well being.
2.Jolene Xie, For motivating me to become gay.. actually for all the talks we had @ your place
3.Chanel Ng, For not failing to crack people around her sometimes.
4.Grace, For looking after Veek in church.
5.Zen Toh, For making my sister feel more open in church

More to thank but now I have to rush off to Ipoh with the guys.

The most important Thank You goes to Jesus. Never fails to listen to my worries and He watches over all of us as we run this race. Thank you =)

Today i fly

2008-12-29T07:36:00.004+08:00

Initially I wanted to blog last night but I dozed off while watching a lame movie. My sister didn't wake me up after and I ended up sleeping outside on the couch.

Last night my family had dinner @ my auntie's place. Her place brings back memories when I was little and was running around the big house. Although its not bigger than XY's mansion, I could still see vivid images of my childhood in that house. Now my cousin has a son named Elijah Tan Yong Eh. My whole family said that I have his looks or rather he looks like the exact copy when I was little. I'm so amazed at this boy cause at 2 years old, he's already starting to talk and thanking people for doing things for him. Before he went to bed, he did flying kisses to all of us and his mom, Elizabeth jiejie brought him up to his room. Realised that babies need lots of rest. It kind of reminded me of myself as I've not been resting well recently. I need to find time to rest too hahahaha..

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Now playing: Enrique Iglesias - Be With You
via FoxyTunes

While having dinner @ aunt's place, I came to realise that my dad had actually gone to church that very morning with my mom! I'm glad that he did enjoy service. I'm currently praying that God will help me to restrain him in this relationship with Him once again. I'm glad that dad is knowing my heavenly dad. All glory goes to him =)

Service @ HMI was great as well!! Although I was really tired and dozed off like twice?, I absorbed as much as I could
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Now playing: Enrique Iglesias - Hero
via FoxyTunes

Complications

2008-12-26T04:22:00.002+08:00

Belated Merry Christmas readers.. My blog is finally having readers.. woohoo I feel great!! Muahahahaha... One day, I'll rule the WORLD!!! Muahahahahahaha... Heehee heehee..

Need to sidetrack.. So basically to start with, on Christmas, I was working.. I'm actually fine with it but I find that being forced to work really sucks.. I don't have the will to do it well and its kind of wasting both party's time.. But I really appreciate it that my boss is a super nice lady. I can tell you that I'm late everyday for work. My dad had to drag me out of bed cause of sleeping late and waking up super late for work. Picture this, My job requires me to report at 8:30am. I arrive in office at 12:30pm and that's the latest time I've reported to work these few weeks. I did report to work at 8:30am but it was only once. The rest were like 8:50-10am. I think my attitude towards this job was really poor as for my previous job. I did many hours of OT in this job to cover my butt.. Had to stay in till 2am on Christmas to finish my due job. Enough of listening about my poor attitude in my job.

Have you ever wondered why did God create mosquitoes? Those pesky little pest are irritating.. Why would God do such a thing? hahaha ever wondered why??

My famous Amos cookies are getting whacked by my sister as I continue with this post.. hahaha I'm super random now la.. A little high but really tired.. Promised photos in this post but I'm too tired to post any right now. Will "jing liang" try my best to post it tomorrow.. Good night peeps..

Merry Christmas People and Happy Birthday Jesus!!

upside down

2008-12-25T03:54:00.004+08:00

Been feeling really upside down/ topsy turvy recently.. Not sure whether its due to my emotions.. I really need to control my emotions! Been really tied up with work as well.. Damnnnnit.. Its kinda frustrating that you planned out your week but there are always other things to do..

Been having very little sleep as well.. I was so afraid that I'll just black out during office hours.. I felt really weak in office.. Been sleeping really late and waking up early.. Had like around 3hours of sleep everyday. Some days, I'll have less than 3 hours. I need a change in my lifestyle.

Gotten back my laptop (FINALLY). Was really busy and didn't had time to install my programs till now. By the way, I got my laptop back on Wednesday..

And on Wednesday, after work, my sister and I headed to this royal palace somewhere located in bukit timah..Yarwood ave.. The place was amazing! Had so much fun and laughter. Memorable time

Before I forget, Christmas dinner @ church was amazing!! Some of the photos can be found here..

(Update) Photos will be posted in the next post. =\

Christmas

2008-12-23T04:58:00.001+08:00

Its a few more days to Christmas and I'm beginning to feel it coming!! Had an exciting party at church on Sunday and I'm glad that my dad went!! Mum went as well and they both had a great time from what they said.. I'm just praying that my dad will come to know You someday..

After Christmas dinner @ church, I came home with Daniel, Ryan & Kenneth in a cab and we kinda had alittle fun looking at churchies going pass in some of the vehicles.. It was so funny.. While waiting for a cab at the bus stop behind church, we saw around 4-5 church peep's cars that went past us.. We too saw Grace @ the bus stop.. Thank God for Po Ping that sent us out to the bus stop.. Could tell he was tired as his car tire hit the side of the curb and before closing the car door, he started to drive off.. Thank God for this brother!!

We arrived back to our home area and we went our way.. Ryan came to my place for awhile to play some guitar and after, I headed off to cycle with Benn and David..
Went to get my extra bike @ my other home located @ farrer park and we were stopped by police cause while waiting for David to come find us, they suspected us of bike theft..
After explaining to them, David arrived and we went of to do our night cycling. Had a great time with these people and we soon arrived home around 3:30am..
Sent David off home but before that, we had a short talk for around 15mins.. Thankfully he stays around my home area so he took a slow? walk home after the talk.. After I came home, I soon dozed off on my couch..

Woke up really LATE today..

Today was movie day and it was quite a crowd.. Sendi and his girlfriend came.. Dennis, Jolene, Jan, Chanel, Xin Ying, Benn and I... Watched "TWITLIGHT" twilight.. It was a good movie and am now waiting for New Moon to be shown in cinemas.. Might probably read the book as well.. hahaha!!

thoughts

2008-12-23T04:32:00.002+08:00

Been thinking alot lately.. And this time is really ALOT!! Not sure why but I think that a change is what I need right now. Been living my life like this for quite sometime and I think even if I'm growing, Its all going to waste. Expend my capacity is what I really need now. If not, I'm just like a small cup taking in more liquid that what I can hold. I might be learning alot now but I surely am now applying all these knowledge. I pray that God will increase my capacity and make me a stronger person! that's able to withstand trials which come my way.

I'm planning on something right now and I think that it's what's best for my kind of personality. I'll just continue praying about it and await for a confirmation about it. I think its best for the both parties that's involved.. Hope that'll end most of the conflicts that are happening currently..

Well its about time to sleep too.. GOOOOOOOD NIGHT

Daddy's Rules

2008-12-18T02:52:00.001+08:00

Every father’s rules for the guy who is dating his daughter.

Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you’d better be delivering a package, because you’re surely not picking anything up.

Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter’s body, I will remove them.

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don’t take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:
I’m sure you’ve been told that in today’s world, sex without utilizing a ‘Barrier method’ of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: ‘early.’

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don’t you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing or holding hands. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual themes are to be avoided; movies that feature chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.

NAME ____________________ DATE OF BIRTH ____________
HEIGHT ________ WEIGHT _________ IQ __________ GPA _________
SOCIAL SECURITY #______________ DRIVERS LICENSE #____________
BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES__________________________________
HOME ADDRESS___________________________________________
CITY/STATE ____________________________ ZIP______

Do you have parents? ___Yes ___No
Is one male and the other female? ___Yes ___No
If No, explain: ____________________________________________
__________________________________________________________

Number of years they have been married ____________________________

If less than your age, explain:
____________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________

ACCESSORIES SECTION:
A. Do you own or have access to a van? __Yes __No
B. A truck with oversized tires? __Yes __No
C. A waterbed? __Yes __No
D. A pickup with a mattress in the back? __Yes __No
E. A tattoo? __Yes __No
F. Do you have an earring, nose ring, __Yes __No
pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring?

(IF YOU ANSWERED ‘YES’ TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. I SUGGEST RUNNING.)

ESSAY SECTION:
In 50 words or less, what does ‘LATE’ mean to you?
____________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does ‘DON’T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER’ mean to you?
____________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does ‘ABSTINENCE’ mean to you?
____________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________

REFERENCES SECTION:
Church you attend ___________________________________________________
How often you attend ________________________________________________
When would be the best time to interview your:
father? ____________
mother? ___________
pastor? ____________

SHORT-ANSWER SECTION:
Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers are confidential.

A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be:
____________________________________________________________________
B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:
____________________________________________________________________
C: A woman’s place is in the:
____________________________________________________________________
D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:
____________________________________________________________________
E. What do you want to do IF you grow up?
____________________________________________________________________
F. When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:
____________________________________________________________________
G. What is the current going rate of a hotel room? __________________________

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.

__________________________________________________________________
Applicant’s Signature (that means sign your name, moron!)

_______________________________ ________________________________
Mother’s Signature Father’s Signature

_______________________________ ________________________________
Pastor/Priest/ Rabbi State Representative/Congressman

Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and non-sexual. Please allow four to six years for processing.

You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can’t, and it would cause you injury). If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentlemen wearing white ties carrying violin cases (you might want to watch your back).

Amazing love

2008-12-18T02:01:00.003+08:00

Amazing love, how can it be?
That you, my king. would die for me

This were the exact words that came to my mind after a long and tiring day. I can say that I've not been spending time to talk to Him and I know He's always there to listen.

Haven't been feeling well either. Its always headaches and tiredness is always kicking in. I guess its how I'm treating myself during times when I'm supposed to eat and rest. I do hope I'll learn how to prioritise my time wisely. Need to set aside time to talk to God too. Its something I've been struggling for a long period of time.

I do hope that tomorrow, I'll finish up my work quickly and have time to spend with God before leaving in the evening for my night cycling event.
Been planning this for quite sometime already and I do hope that Benn will be there. God please do not let it rain tomorrow evening.. Thank You!

For those who already know, I'm working now thanks to my dad. And its all been well and good for me in office. Been going to work late like nobody's business and all I got was "ok Nicholas hurry up and do your work". I'm seriously shocked at this situation. I thought I was going to get scolded or maybe even fired cause there was one day which I was supposed to start work at 8:30am and I arrived in office at 11:55pm. My boss came to me and said this "Have you taken your lunch?". The other staff looked at me and said things like of course la. Must be take lunch le then come report to work. I'm not taking this for granted but I haven't been feeling that well to keep up to my commitments. Maybe this is a sign that some things are meant to happen and something are yet to come but now isn't the right time and period. Although some might think otherwise, I personally want to thank Him for implying these principles into my life. Things can wait while other's can't!

I was quite upset today as I had to much on hand to hand in and I couldn't leave office on time to go to church. I believe its my mistake as I didn't have the sense of urgency to finish up my work @ the start of the week. Its about time to learn from all these mistakes.

Tomorrow I'm planning to start my day right with God and I do hope to finish up all my due works. Planning to collect my laptop back as well. God has been walking with me throughout all these while but I couldn't see.

Its hard to believe that I couldn't see, You were always there beside me..
I've never had someone who knows me like You do, The way You do...

daily post

2008-12-16T00:03:00.003+08:00

Tomorrow is the day I'll be collecting my laptop back. Currently I'm using my sister's new toy. Hahaha..

I feel blessed by people around me recently and thank God for all these blessings. Yesterday we had Botak Jones with Benn, Stanley, Dominic, David, Titus, Dennis, Victoria, Xin Ying & Joshua B. Great time with these people and I really want to comment about Dennis. He has this heart of giving his best to provide. Thank God for this brother. I do hope that he'll receive what he deserve.

Anyway its time for me to go off soon.. Would love to spend some time with God and speak to Him..

Cheers readers (:

Another day of my life with Christ

2008-12-11T02:13:00.006+08:00

Today was quite an experiencing day for me. I went out with Benn to repair his guitar and met Beez. This uber cool dude plays very well.. Was thinking of getting the mini Stack Marshall amps from him.

After repairing Benn's Guitar, we headed down to church and helped out with the Christmas decos. While making our way down to church, we had a good conversation with each other.
Benn is seriously a nice guy to share stuff with and he's a great listener. That's one of the few great things about this brother.
Today's message was really impactful and it helped me to see where do I stand in terms of my doings. Although sometime we do things out of impulse, we tend to forget why in the first place are we doing it and we misjudge our ability to do it or we'll get overconfident and do it to receive fame. We think we're much wiser and we don't see the reason of all the happenings around us.

I do hope that the people will appreciate that by God's grace, we're saved.

Anyway these are some of the pictures I took this week.

Time for a change

2008-12-08T23:57:00.003+08:00

Its been a long time since I've blogged. Reason why I want to blog again is cause I'm facing some growing up issue now and have no one to go to and to talk to except God.

Being a guy in Singapore, serving the nation is a must and there is no one who can get away without serving in the army. Just finished my exams and there are alot to update as well like for instance,

I went to Japan before my exams
I have my Canon EOS 50D (finally)
My exams are over
My lappy died again
Church conference

I don't even remember the last time I've posted something. Maybe its about time to write something new in here..

These are some of the photos I took with my new toy (:

Rant rant rant

2008-10-23T02:45:00.003+08:00

A sudden urge to blog and what a perfect time to blog. Infact I've been wanting to blog ever since the start of last week. Well what made me blog today was what happened just now in the evening. I was at church and we had a great time praising and worshipping God. The message was preached and I really felt the word hitting me hard. I have to start making this change in me and it's about time to reach out to those who haven't know who was the one who changed me from the inside out.

I'm being blessed in this comfortable environment where I can serve & sing praises to Him freely but what we don't see is that people are dying just because they acknowledge Jesus as their Lord and Saviour. People are being thrown into prisons just because of holding a bible in their hands. They are being executed for singing praises to Him. Do we even take time to think about these people? I'm lost for words currently..

This post has currently taken me 5hrs to get here. I'm currently having a mind blockage. There are so many things on my mind right now. I don't have a clue where do I place them? Do I rant them all out on this post? If I were to do so, I'll probably take afew more hours. I seriously don't have the time to finish this post.

Sisters

2008-10-22T01:27:00.002+08:00

While my brother tries on T shirts that are way too big for me, i shall blog on his behalf. I assume he hasn't been updating much? Lol. And i also assume that he misses me bucket loads cause i've been at camp. But sadly, that's not the case cause he just gave me the evil laugh after offering me a bottle of Yakult and evily pulling it back and stuck out his tongue. *Everyone goes boo cause Nick is back with his boring posts.* *Nick just tickled my armpit... So much for giving him my t shirts :(*

Nic is back and what in the world is my sister up to? I know she's been outstation for a really long time and yea I kinda miss her.. But what is tickled my armpits? I wouldn't wanna stuck my fingers under her sweaty armpits..

Firstly, what made me wanna blog today started this morning. While reading my bible, a few passages caught my attention. It is all found in
Proverbs 20:13.. It actually showed me that sleeping too much isn't good.
Anyway.. its time for me to get off the comp and sleep

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Now playing: Hillsong United - Solution
via FoxyTunes

Kayak??

2008-10-18T21:55:00.002+08:00

From Clockwise
Winston, Ryan, Nicholas, Josiah, Dennis, Dominic, Aaron, Jolene, Irene

From Clockwise
Winston, Ryan, Nicholas, Daniel, Dennis, Dominic, Aaron, Jolene & Irene

UNGLAMMNESS!!!!

Fights

2008-09-15T22:05:00.000+08:00

I'm still not on talking terms with my mother.. Sad

night cycling

2008-08-29T22:30:00.002+08:00

Today was such a horrible day. To begin with, I didn't go to school today and was really tired. I have no inspiration to continue my post.. Shall carry on with it when i'm back from night cycling with my cousins. till then.. Don't do drugs! Especially KIDS

ps: i quarrelled with my mom. i doubt she'll talk to me anytime soon. i was just being a nice guy and she wanted to b*tch around which made me really pissed. and she was LATE! argh

God is Good

2008-08-15T18:45:00.000+08:00

Today happens to be the first anniversary for my blog as well.. Hehehehe

I'm a happy 18 year old boy ;)

2008-08-15T00:00:00.000+08:00

So its my dad's birthday today.. Well technically its his cause its 12mid night. Got him a nice new wallet and hope he likes it. It has the same design as mine well cause its the same brand and same design but different seasons. It wasn't cheap so I hope he likes it.

Yesterday was my birthday as some would have remembered. Kept it very low and very little people knew about it. My teacher surprised me with a birthday song in the morning of my b'day. Not really "The Birthday Song" but a different one and it sounds nice. Thank you Mr Andrew Lim H H.

Went out with my Mother and Father to have a nice dinner and Nicky tagged along. Before that, I met up with my Mum and got my Dad the wallet and she was nice enough to get me a bag from the same company. I would say it was cheap but the price was really a big difference. Imagine the original price of it is S$1600 but I got it for only S$300. The design of the bag is what I've been wanting and looking for but couldn't get it. I went hunting for that design in Paris as well but no avail. Thanks Mum.

Thank you God for guiding me all my 18 years on earth. Thank you for making me healthy and strong too! Appreciate all the people you've blessed me thruout all this 18years.

I have a friend whom I've known for 12 years. He msged me the other day wishing me happy b'day. I do appreciate all this friendships and how we bonded in primary school. Good old memories. This guy is "Louis" Lee Wee Howe. My best friend in primary 1 till now I think?

The other friend was Robert who shares the same b'day month as me but he's one day older than me. I thought he went to Aust to study but sadly he has to serve NS first.. Well as some of you guys know this term "SAF(o)"

Am surprised that Tiffany remembered as well. *touched* haha thanks a million old friend.

Had lots of wishes from my family members as well. Well I couldn't have been what I am today without you, family members. THANKS FOR BEING IN MY LIFE!

Amanda was the first one who wished me, but sadly I was asleep. If I'm not wrong, she messaged me at 12.30am. Another person who share the same b'day month. Thanks Mandy

Last but not least, Mr Choo.. a.k.a Jeremy who called and asked what I wanted.. hahaha.. If you really wanna know what I want, I doubt you could even get a strand of hair but thanks asking! hahaha Try guessin what is it.. Hmmmm.???

ps: Driving Lessons/License Here I Come!!!
14 August 2008 11:59pm

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Now playing: kids songs funny happy birthday song
via FoxyTunes

you've gotta be kidding

2008-08-10T18:53:00.002+08:00

Haven't been updating recently. Been playing alot of tennis and am studying really hard to get into a better learning environment. Something came up and I've been thinking about it really hard

Wisdom & Knowledge.. which do you prioritise first? still thinking

My mom is really getting on my nerves. How in the world did she manage to come up with some lame reasons for not staying at my other house. Indian workers painting the house and she's afraid that they might climb into the house robbing us. My first reaction was ^%&(@$$!@ WTH... That reason nearly made me pick up a knife and stab myself. Maybe stab her first before stabbing myself. I seriously think that that is the lamest reason that some bangala would climb into my house where i'm sleeping and robbing us. I think her reason is freaking lame and might back fire. What if the bangala workers know that there isn't anyone at home and breaks into the appartment?

Sometimes I wonder why is my mother so foolish and dumb! I need a break from her non-senses. Recently I brought her to church and she's still the same. Maybe its reminding me of myself when I was once like this as well. I do hope that God will change her and make her into a completely different person. I thank God that I have to serve the nation for 2 years and won't be hearing her non-senses for a period of 2 years.

I could sit here all day and point out my mom's flaws. She's super calculative making sure every single cent that belongs to her is returned back in full. She's super judmental. Judging people by their character which is something I can't stand! Being quite bias with hirachy. I just don't feel how I should feel in a family presence. I feel cold and standed.

This isn't how I want it to be.

past, present

2008-07-24T04:20:00.001+08:00

Have seen so many changes in people now. I'm wondering what is it that cause the massive change in them.

Played tennis once again today and lost again.. Quite upset and really pissed at myself. Just don't understand why is this the way it is..
Saw Yuqian at the tennis court supporting someone from her school. Heard that her Grandfather passed away afew days ago.. Sorry Yuqian

That kind of reminded me of mine. Grandfather passed away for more than a year and I'm still thinking of him. CNY without him is really different and I'm not used to it.
Makes me think of what will go through my mind at my death bed. Life is really precious and fragile. One wrong move and that could be your last breath.

shucks.. no inspiration to carry on bloggin.. *yawn*

Plans to go MACINTOSH

2008-07-20T01:07:00.002+08:00

Why am I wanting everything I see nowadays? I seriously have an issue of self management.

I remember someone once said : "You only live once, Live it to the fullest". What does it truly mean?

Facing so many HUGE decision that I have to wisely differ. Its really complicated when you have so many things to worry about and you barely have time to just relax. Why do I feel this way? Am I being different or something? Why is this happening to me?

Been losing alot in my tennis matches. The truth is I haven't won a single match yet. ARGGHH..
To make things worst, I'm developing some sort of likings for someone whom I just met like twice. I seriously need counselling man.

Can't live on like this everyday. I just wanna run away to a place that I can release myself from this agony that is Torturous. I do not know who I am right now. This is madness.

Spoke to Lee just now during the conference. Realised that I know quite a number of stuff and speak wise but why am I suffering from something like this? Lee is nice.. He's a family friend and a really successful person. 30 this year and already a multi millionaire? Highly respectable person as he doesn't boast around with his fortune. I do hope that one day he'll receive the love of God and accept Him in his life one day.

I can clearly remember that I was there at his 3oth birthday celebration. After arriving at his place, I clearly remember that there was 2 Ferraris parked outside his property. A bright red one and a yellow one. 2 Italian Stallion were the eye catcher of the evening. Went in his house and he warmly welcome us and was really happy that we turned up. He is someone who I think is easy to be friendly with. A rather simple guy. I hope that I'm not wrong about it.

I want a Macbook Pro 15" 2.6 GHz NVIDIA GeForce 8600M GT 512MB of GDDR3 memory (Goal for this year)

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Now playing: Hillsong United - Saviour King
via FoxyTunes !

Things to get done by this month / year / life time

2008-07-14T02:10:00.003+08:00

1. Be early for school everyday!!
2. Save $ for future investments
3. Save up for Eurotrip(End of Year Resolution)
4. Save up for a Shure headphone for iPhone
5. Zheng my PSP
6. Study hard for upcoming test
7. Update my blog
8. Change blog skin(Need help on this T_T)
9. Clean up my dirty, stuffy, messy, untidy dungeon
10. Needs new furnitures! Bed, Shelves & Bean bag etc.....
11. Stop quarrelling with my dad
12. Train harder for tennis tournament(few more matches to go)
13. Zheng my laptop
14. Save up for a desktop!
15. Get Driving license!!
16. Plan on how to reach my goal for a BMW M3/M6.. Muahahaha
17. Church? shucks...
18. Find a life companion.. Nicholas is getting lonely..

Really ambitious.. Need to get my lazy ass up and going!

Laptop under service

2008-07-05T01:58:00.000+08:00

it feels really different when your laptop isn't around you and that is how i'm feeling now.

Currently blogging from by phone which is kinda difficult to do. Everything seems slower and there are many restrictions.
Thankfully, my laptop is coming back on monday and I have to start installing programs once again. I have many projects due by this week but because of my laptop, I can't accomplish them on time.

Spend quite some time on tennis thus whole month and I feel burnt. My skin now feels crispy and tanned. Realised that I've spend alot of time & money on tennis. I probably spent something like 700 odd on the tennis gears already.
Need to start saving money from now onwards. Can't be spending so much as I'm saving to go overseas prolly by the end of the year.

Went out to meet my cousin the other day. Met her at united square starbucks for a chat and did some studies about the book of Daniel. Was really a fruitful time that day and learn quite a number of applicable stuff that can change my attitude towards doing daily necessities.
Thank God for my cousin

Am now planning to dye my hair red. Striking red. Something like a lighter shade of ketchup colour. Hope the colour stays and doesn't fade to a pink shade.

Its about time

2008-06-13T02:19:00.003+08:00

It is about time I update you readers about what's happening around.

I'm currently having my holidays and I'm probably spending it at home or somewhere out there? I guess I'm not leaving this island soon due to me being so damn broke! One one the reasons I'm so broke is because I've spend it all on an iPhone which is something I've been wanting for so long. And I went shopping the other day while waiting for my cousin to have dinner together. I went to get my dad something from Adidas cause I thought it looks good on him and father's day is around the corner.

I think I spent about 1.5k already and I do not wish to spend any more but I have so many necessities like getting my tennis racquets which is going to cost me another 500++ due to that particular model which is not available in Singapore cause its a really old model. Spending another 350++ on tennis equipments like shoes and overall. Argh. I'm really in a tight spot right now. Oh and by the way, I'm being selected to play for my school for tennis. Its kinda shocking cause I only went for like 5 lessons of tennis in my current school and they chose me. Guess what? I'm having a game tomorrow and I'm still typing all these. Anyway I did promise someone to update my blog yesterday.

Its really annoying when you need something but have to really wait for it due to the financial difficulties of paying for it. It sucks when you can't control your own financial status and spend like there's no tomorrow. This is one really big issue that I face I need to kick this habit of mine. Dammit. Why is there so many things to get and yet so little ways of getting it? Is there anyone out there that can understand my situation? I'm just some

Its gonna rain

2008-06-06T03:25:00.001+08:00

I would really love to blog right now but i'm tired and i have an exam tomorrow. Remind me to say acouple of things like

-Dinner with my cousin Grace
-Shopping at adidas
-Exams!
-God.. I'm yours
-We have the victory! woohoo

My Life My Legacy

2008-05-29T05:00:00.002+08:00

Its destined that I'm not fit nor ready to play a part in a relationship. I think its unfair that people get to experience it yet I'm left all alone to sit in a corner and emo. Its really demoralising and I guess its time for me to move on. But how can I move on with life when there are so many things happening co-currently at the same time? I can't focus all at a single time and Its really unfair. I wonder if those people ever felt my sincerity I've shown? Or its all just fun and games. Guess my time for now is up and its time for me to rest. I can't go on living this way. I'll soon just break down and lose my mind which I don't want it to happen.

I really want to affirm a few people for standing up side by side with me through thick and thin. He's Kenneth and he's someone you don't want to mess with. He encouraged me a couple hours ago and tried to change my emotions but it all went to waste. But I really want to thank this *brother* of mine. Its been a pleasure knowing you. I have never regretted knowing you. Thank you once again.

I don't understand how this game works. I don't know the rules, I do wish to abide with the rules but its a barrier that's stopping me from getting to it. People make it sound so easy yet once I'd tried it, it got me to emotional, I nearly couldn't take it. I want to live like a normal teenager who's growing out of one. But now, I guess its all up to me to decide for my own self. And can I love like a normal person? Why are there so many obstacles to face. It's really been a tough journey through this run and I do hope that when its nearer to the finishing line, I can see someone waiting for me there, waiting to carry me back into His arms. Its just that Nicholas don't see the big picture in life. There are more things in life to treasure about and yet he's being stuck in this area of love. When is he going to ever step out of this area and move on with life? As this post continues, tears are flowing down rapidly. Emotions is really a sensitive issue and must be treated with care. Unable to fulfil its requirements, don't bother entering it. The out come of it is tremendous.

Updates

2008-05-27T00:36:00.004+08:00

Its been about 10 days since I've last updated my blog. I was basically away for 5 days in M'sia and I met someone special. Its kinda weird to meet someone in a place like that but its by chance and I think its the beginning of a great friendship. Nicholas... how long is this problem going to last? Will they ever notice your feelings for them? Is this ever going to be reality? Someone please help me stop this virus from spreading...

Plans

2008-05-16T04:31:00.002+08:00

I've been thinking very hard these few days. I've decided to change the course in ITE now. I just can't take the pressure on the current course due to many calculations. Quite disappointed at things I'm facing now. I just got lectured by my mom this afternoon. Very very negative thinking from her. Hearing her words, she sounded like she wants to disown me. I didn't want to argue with her so I just walked back to my room. I felt that she doesn't care about it anymore. She thinks that I'm plain lazy in studies but although I'm a lazy person, I've always put my 100% in my studies. Even thou I'm not good in it, I still put my best in it. Its just that no one sees it. Will someone please explain things to her? I'm not like someone who's very intelligent or an A student but I do wish to be on top of things I do.

Supposed to go down to office today to meet Eddie to pass him some documents but I failed to keep my promise. Sorry. Its that I faced so many set-backs this afternoon, that part of information slipped off my mind. It got me more demoralised. Makes me feel like someone who doesn't keep up to his promises. Things have gotten quite bad for me this week. I want to see a change soon if not, I don't think I'm able to survive any longer.

God please hear my prayers and answer them. I don't wish to carry on with this suffering any longer. Its really tiring to face this situation over and over again. Awaiting for a response. Thank you in advance.

got me a new haircut

2008-05-14T04:36:00.002+08:00

Its kinda late for me to do this but I'm still doing it. Blogging at this hour. I think I'm going nuts! Anyway, Its me once again bragging about my life. Well I've been thinking hard these few days about my current course I'm doing now. I find it very difficult to cope with it and I'm planning to switch to another course. I don't mind the financial part but I'm afraid if I make the same mistake of taking the new course. I guess its really hard for me to really decide on what I'm comfortable with. God please answer my prayers please? I'm really trying my best to do things that please you. Cause not that I'm afraid of the consequences but its because I love you. I'm dead serious. I just don't know how to express my feelings for you. And am I living the right way? Am I learning the right things? Are all these right before my eyes?

Anyway, I went out very late today. At around 7.30pm to meet my aunt for an appointment. I gotta make an appointment for my aunt to get a haircut today. Guess she's really busy nowadays.
I enjoy the time spend with her even thou its short but its worth. Today we went for a haircut and we dyed out hairs too. We had coffee and bread at toast box and talked about human characteristics. There are many characteristics like someone who is really analytical or a driven person. And I thank God for making her and blessing her into my life. We spoke about something called "DISC". Forgotten what does the synonyms stands for but I still remember the reason behind that. I really want to see something happen in my life soon! Its hard for me to see what is my outcome now.

Tomorrow, I'm having a mother's day dinner at my aunt's place. This time its my maternal side of the family. Well I'm being blessed with a family who knows you God. Its really a huge huge blessing for me to be in this family. I think I'm a kind of guy that enjoys the surrounding people around me in my life. I can't seem to find the right word but its really something nice! So anyway, tomorrow its dinner with them at some nice place I guess. So I'll be paying for dinner tomorrow. Three cheers for me.. hahahaha..
But I'm afraid if I'm short on cash.

There is so many things that I'm thinking of now. Like what car am I going to own at the end of the day. Of course my dream car would be a BMW.
And should I take up photography? Its expensive to get the new D-SLR, Cannon 40D/450D.
I have such an expensive taste but I'm being bless with my paternal side of the family aunt who treats me like her own to bless me with these kinds of material. I shall not take them for granted and one day, just one day, I'm going to work my butt off to give them a real good time. Maybe organise a whole family trip to some exotic destination somewhere in Hawaii. Well that I can only visualise now but I want to make it my BIGGEST goal of my life =). I do hope for it to be executed soon. I don't want any of them to miss this dream. God please answer this prayer of my as well. I do love them as well! They are like my life lines. But you are my life! You gave me life and you can end my life as well. So please answer this okay? I know you will =)

Alrite.. Its time for me to go snooze. I commit this post to your hands God. Bless this family of mine and Bless those who know you. You rock my world!

Time for a new layout help needed

2008-05-14T03:22:00.000+08:00

I need some advises on my new blog layout which I'm planning to do soon. I'm dying to know how to change it but it seems like no one I know knows or I'm just plain lazy to ask. So please. Anyone out there who knows, I'm a lost bird who needs a parent bird (Sounds cheesy!) to teach me!! please write to me in the shout out box

Weird i guess?

2008-05-13T03:18:00.000+08:00

A happy ending ends up making people crazy

2008-05-12T21:57:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I wish I could write my own life novel and write about my own death. May sound freaky but who knows, it might be cool! When you're aware of whats coming up next and whats gonna happen in acouple of moments. But what might happen when people gets greedy and takes everything.

I spoke something just now that makes alot of sense. True friends are hard to differ nowadays. When you're rich and successful, many will claim that he/she knows you. But when you're broke and unsuccessful, many will turn away from you. Why is it like this? I really hate it. I admit that I think I did this before. Rich people are my "best friends" but I do not neglect my real friends who aren't that rich financially. I guess this is how the world reacts/thinks.

God please shut that b!tch up outside! She is freaking irritating!! Like karaoke music centre! Come on man this is an office. If you wanna sing, please head down towards and K-box and sing your heart out and I really mean it when heart out. She has heart problems la and she's still singing like a crazy b!tch!! Crazy philippino. This is SINGAPORE(SPARTA)!!!! No wonder she has high blood presure!

Argh... Now getting shit from Tammie. Am I a glutton for punishment? I really feel like bashing acouple of people now. God please answer my prayer!! EVERYONE SHOUT OUT LOUD & THEN SHUT UP!!!! Screw the whole world!

Nicholas goes booming around the whole world. Everyone keep quiet. Need some peace and quiet around! With Cez around there will not be any PEACE! God please someone fire her!!!! Aunt please send her back to the phillipines. She is one crazy MOFO grandmother. I wonder how her grandchildren survive her non-senses! CEZ!! You're FIRED!!! retarded Phillipino. Go and die from your heart problem or let some blood vessel burst! DIE DIE DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~~Nicholas signingout. Grabs a shotgun and heads to cez (B)limbo desk.~~

~~Next scene: BOOM!!!!!!!~~

How to overcome a problem

2008-05-12T17:38:00.002+08:00

Had a talk with aunt once again. She spoke to me regarding acouple of things that I was struggling with. So she gave me afew advises and tip on how to channel my feelings and to avoid some doings. Well I do hope that there would be a change in me.

Tried to register online for my driving course and i'm not old enough to enroll =( that one thing to be sad about for today. Heartbroken!

All hot girls put your hands up and sing Om Shanti Om

All cool boys comeon make some noise Om Shanti Om

Orange Jasmine - 七里香 - Qi Li Xiang

2008-05-12T15:17:00.004+08:00

窗外的麻雀在電線桿上多嘴
chuang wai de ma que / zai dian xian gan shang duo zui
The sparrow outside the window is being noisy on the electrical wire

妳說這一句很有夏天的感覺
ni shuo zhe yi ju / hen you xia tian de gan jue
You say that this sentence has a lot of that summer feeling

手中的鉛筆在紙上來來回回
shou zhong de qian bi / zai zhi shang lai lai hui hui
The pencil in [my] hand, goes back and forth on the paper

我用幾行字形容妳是我的
wo yong ji hang zi xing rong ni shi wo de shui
I use a few lines to describe who you are to me

秋刀魚的滋味貓跟妳都想了解
qiu dao yu / de zi wei / mao gen ni dou xiang liao jie
The taste of sanma fish, the cat and you both want to understand

初戀的香味就這樣被我們尋回
chu lian de xiang wei jiu zhe yang bei wo men xun hui
The fragrance of first love was rediscovered by us just like that

那溫暖的陽光像剛摘的鮮豔草莓
na wen nuan / de yang guang / xiang gang zhai de xian yan cao mei
That warm sunlight, is like the brillant freshly-picked strawberries

你說妳捨不得吃掉這一種感覺
ni shuo ni she bu de chi diao zhe yi zhong gan jue
You say you can't bear to eat up this feeling

雨下整夜我的愛溢出就像雨水
yu xia zheng ye / wo de ai yi chu jiu xiang yu shui
Rain falls the whole night, my love overflows just like rainwater

院子落葉跟我的思念厚厚一疊
yuan zi luo ye / gen wo de si nian hou hou yi die
The fallen leaves in the yard, thickly overlaps with my lingering thoughts

幾句是非也無法將我的熱情冷卻
ji ju shi fei / ye wu fa jiang wo de re qing leng que
A few words of dispute, cannot cool my warmth

妳出現在我詩的每一頁
ni chu xian zai wo shi de mei yi ye
You appear in my poem's every page

雨下整夜我的愛溢出就像雨水
yu xia zheng ye / wo de ai yi chu jiu xiang yu shui
Rain falls the whole night, my love overflows just like rainwater

窗台蝴蝶像詩裡紛飛的美麗章節
chuang tai hu die / xiang shi li fen fei de mei li zhang jie
Butterfly on the window sill, is like the beautiful chapter that flutters about in the poem

我接著寫把永遠愛妳寫進詩的結尾
wo jie zhe xie / ba yong yuan ai ni xie jin shi de jie wei
I continue to write, to write my eternal love for you into the poem's ending

妳是我唯一想要的了解
ni shi wo wei yi xiang yao de liao jie

You are the only understanding I want

那飽滿的稻穗幸福了這個季節
na bao man / de dao sui / xing fu le zhe ge ji jie
That fulfilling ear of rice, made this season happy

而妳的臉頰像田裡熟透的蕃茄
er ni de lian jia xiang tian li shou tou de fan qie
Yet your cheek is like the rippened tomato in the fields

妳突然對我說七里香的名字很美
ni tu ran / dui wo shuo / qi li xiang de ming zi hen mei
You suddenly say to me, "Qi Li Xiang" this name is very beautiful

我此刻卻只想親吻妳倔強的嘴
wo ci ke que zhi xiang qin wen ni jue qiang de zui
Yet at this moment I can only think of kissing your stubborn lips

Mother's Day

2008-05-11T17:47:00.002+08:00

So its mother's day today and all I did was nothing. I felt really guilty because I missed service too! Due to me overslept I shouldn't have slept really late last night but I was having a good conversation with my younger sister. I'm quite concern about her. She even did 2 Tatoos before me!! How outrageous is that!? at least do it after mine! haha.. anyway jokes aside. Felt really really guilty that I didn't prioritise my time well. Awell, I'll just have to plan out my time better next time. Just hope that I'll do better the next time.

Anyway, here's a video I wanna share with you guys from a motion picture

Title : Om Shanti Om

Flames to dust

2008-05-07T17:34:00.002+08:00

Why do all good things come to an end?

1. Has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes?
Sleepy eyes rather

2. What kind of computer do have?
a lappy

3. What have you learned today?
positive and negative points

4. How many different people of the opposite sex have you cried over?
one?? maybe non even.

5. Do You Like to Smile?
can say so

6. How Tall Are You?
5ft 6inch

7. What Do You Want to Be When You Grow Up?
an entrepreneur

8. What Time Do You Usually Wake Up On the Weekends?
11am or earlier

9. Do You Like Peanut Butter?
yeap

10. What is your favorite subject?
PE

12. What kind of perfume do you wear?
CK eternity

13. Country music...?
erm... non?

14. If you could live in any other country, which one would you pick?
Switzerland or Paris

15. Where were you when you heard about the World Trade Towers?
At home

16. Are camera phones worth it?
yeap

25. Is there anyone you'd die for?
hmm...

26. Spell your name without an E,R,S,H,K,I,M,A,:
Ncol

27. What are you listening to?
Nirvana - Smells like teen spirit

28. Is any part of your body sore?
whole body

29. Are you happy with your friends right now?
not really

31. How do you earn money?
designing stuff

32. Are you outgoing?
used to be really outgoing

33. Where do you wish you were right now?
away on a holiday

34. Are you slowly drifting away from someone close?
kind of..!!

35. When was the last time you felt unbearably guilty?
Sunday

36. How is life going for you right now?
not really good..

37. When was the last time you held someone’s hand?
think it was day before yesterday

38. Who can you tell everything to?
God..

39. Who was the last person you talked to on MSN?
Amanda

40. Last words you spoke?
byee

41. Did you date someone you regret dating?
nope

42. What is your natural hair color?
dark brown

43. What was the last concert you went to?
Sam Hui

44. Do you play guitar hero?
Used to play haha..

46. Do you prefer warm or cold weather?
cold

47. Who is your last text from?
Aunt Veronica

48. What is the last movie you watched in theaters?
Rule #1... with someone i really like(d)..

49. Who did you last share a bed with?
cousin? haha had no choice..

51. Do fish have feelings?
think so?

52. What do you currently smell like?
Adidas deodorant

53. Do you feel like dancing?
Always felt like dancing with my father again. Dancing is exciting and fun!

54. What are you going to do after this?
Shut down my comp

55. Who were the last people you ate lunch with?
Eddie... Lunch at 5.10pm

56. What are you thinking?
should i ask her?

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Listening to: FIR - Tian Tian Ye Ye
via FoxyTunes

i wanna hold your hand

2008-05-07T05:27:00.002+08:00

I can't sleep due to restless mind. A mind that is constantly thinking non-stop 24-7. Why is this happening to me? Am I such a jerk? Don't you feel a thing? I think its time this rubbish should end!

Nicholas.. Its time you should move on yea? But there is always the memories to think about. How?? Damn.. this sucks..

Ciao.. I'm out..

----------------
Listening to: Beatles - i wanna hold your hand
via FoxyTunes

Success Resources Pte Ltd

2008-05-05T19:25:00.002+08:00

Today kinda sucked for me! Realised that my exams are around the corner (June 3 & 6) Man... Am I ready for my exam? I don't even know what I'm studying. Shitty Feelings came back! argh!!

What should I do now? I wanna pass this exam real bad. I wouldn't want to fail like before! Man.. the feeling of failure really sucks big time! I would really wanna do well in life but there are so many obstacles I have to overcome! Am I really different from others? Why are there people who are like naturally smart and talented in important needs whereas I receive alot of comments that I'm streetsmart etc.. quicklearner.. But why can't I be someone who's Intellectual.

I'm blogging in office currently. Getting reprimanded by my surroundings. Like quite depressed. Why don't they realise that I'm around? =(

ROARs!

Swollen Knuckles

2008-05-03T07:41:00.002+08:00

Quarrelled with my dad on thursday night and there was about 30+ people who witness the incident. It was ultra embarrassing to be scolded infront of so many people. And right after that incident, it was on friday morning when I quarrelled with my mom. Well its sucks to have a no talking terms with both of your parents. Didn't sleep the whole of today. How sad..

Started Post at 7:41Am Finished Post at 11:11Am

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Now playing: M2M - Pretty boy
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Wealth Expo

2008-05-01T19:40:00.002+08:00

I'm currently blogging at the Singapore Expo. Really really drained!
No more energy left.. Needs a charger asap!!! NOW NOW NOW!!! ROAR

Grandfather

2008-04-23T03:12:00.002+08:00

I kinda miss my grandfather. He passed away exactly one year ago from tomorrow onwards. Its 24 April 2007 when he left us but I believe he's in a better place now. Although I still miss him, I believe one day, I'll get to see him once again. Thank you God for everything that you've blessed me and my family with. Deeply appreciate what You've done in this family but I seek for more blessings. This family of mine seriously needs the love of God. One day, just one day, I'm sure this family will change! I believe that God will change this whole family of mine!

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Now playing: F.I.R. - 你很爱他
via FoxyTunes

Marina Square

2008-04-20T23:36:00.002+08:00

So many things happened this week. Went out with Tam and PP to get a hair cut and Tam got really pissed.
Got my psp this week as well. Kinda bored with no new games.. =(

What else? hmm..... Realised that NAC is coming and needs part timers. Pay ranges from 100-120 per day. Total days needed, 3

hmm... what am i doing right now? er.... trying to sleep soon as i have school tomorrow... Bleahs...

Went out to suntec today and went for service. Met some of the church peeps for dinner and headed home. Did the same thing on saturday but headed towards cinelesure? to meet Veek, Tam and PP then caught the last mrt home..

tired

2008-04-16T02:48:00.000+08:00

YAWNS

Bawitdaba

2008-04-10T23:28:00.002+08:00

Still in office.. Finishing up some work before handing them over to the next respective person after I head back to school next week. Geez I'm tired!

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Now playing: Kiss - I was made for loving you
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Uberly Cool!

2008-04-09T18:18:00.003+08:00

Feeling fine today. I left my house just 5 minutes later than yesterday and I missed my bus. Had no other choice but to flag a cab down to office today. But it was all worth it.
Came to office realising my best friend, a.k.a Purple was still at home when I called her. Gave her a morning call this morning but she went back to sleep after my call. Oh and it isn't the first time so I'm kind of used to it too.

Found out something super cool about 5 minutes ago. I realised my uncle has a blog as well! HOW COOL IS THAT~! And he does update. Occasionally.... hahaha.

Oh and my best friend got scolded by some jerk customer. Heard that this customer has some issues and my best friend is dealing with him. I kinda feel sorry for my best friend. I wish I could do something to help. Sorry.

And how I wish I could do the same for Jesus like how I treat my best friend. Its kinda complicated but its for me to understand. Heehee. Anyway, I have to go off soon and finish up with my work. I have a haircut appointment with my mom's stylist at 8 & its 7 already!! hurry hurry hurry !! rush rush rush!!

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Now playing: Hillsong - To Know Your Name
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Mixed Fillings (feelings)

2008-04-08T19:46:00.002+08:00

I wonder what am I really up to right now? Having a rather weird feeling now. Is it because of the way I'm living my life? Is my lifestyle affecting my relationship with God? I really don't want to leave Him again. I'm really sick of the same old Nicholas. Why am I still like this? Is there any way I can change or I'm going to remain like this for the rest of my life?

Somehow I just don't feel right. Help needed desperately before I run around Singapore butt naked!.. Well that was pure randomness. Gosh.. Am I turning mad?! Holy smokes

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Now playing: 周杰伦 - 珊瑚海
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Slit

2008-04-08T09:14:00.002+08:00

Yesterday was kinda tiring. Knock off work at around 11.45pm. Really drained.
While I was washing up, I kinda picked up a razor blade in the toilet. Was playing with it till it slit my sole of my foot. What really amuse me was the amount of blood gushing out of a slit. I was bleeding non-stop and that didn't stop me from squeezing all the blood out even it was still bleeding. Kinda weird but it doesn't hurt that much. Anyway.. I was on the phone with someone while my leg was bleeding. I told the person that I might search for a sanitary pad to paste it on my foot and might die due to lack of blood. Its kinda stupid thou.. And what happened next was totally unexpected. I fell asleep in the toilet. Maybe its due to massive loss of blood? I kinda fainted? Maybe.. haha but I woke up anyway.. How would it be like loosing something you really need? Ever ponder over this question? Hmm I ask myself this question till now. How?

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Now playing: Michael Learns to Rock - I'm Gonna Be Around
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We do think of the past right?

2008-04-07T09:57:00.004+08:00

Why do I keep thinking that the past was way better than present? Is it because of things that I do and i begin to regret it? Gosh... Is this how things are gonna end? What happened to a beautiful friendship? I do treasure friends don't I? Am I such an asshole? hmm....
*deep thoughts*

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Now playing: Hillsong - Saviour King
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周伟良

2008-04-04T11:28:00.002+08:00

Why do things like suicide comes into my mind again? Is it because I think its time for me to leave or? Hmm.... I cannot live like that forever. I have to stop somewhere. How and when? If this carries on, I'm afraid I might lose my mind somewhere. Is there anyone out there that is facing the same tormenting self? It really sucks to be me! Is there anyone that can understand how I'm feeling right now? God knows and I seriously need that help =(

Please?

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Now playing: Nirvana - Lithium
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Inspiration

2008-04-01T14:13:00.002+08:00

Started off today by waking up late. Missed my bus to work and had no money on my ez-link card. So basically I had a shitty morning. Reported work a little late but no one told me off. Glad that I was spared from the scoldings. When things were starting to get a little nicer, I soon had tons of stuff to do today. Just came back from lunch not eating anything due to appetite problems. Damn I'm having gastric pains now. Why am I feeling like this recently? I'm getting skinnier and skinnier by every single day. I feel that I'm loosing my mind over small matters that were prolonged till now. When I spoke to people over dinner last night even thou I didn't eat anything, people were talking about me as if I wasn't infront of them. Its not like they were talking bad about me but its how I felt when they spoke about me.

God please help me. I've been struggling in this area for a very long time already! I really hope I can find someone to talk to like my cousins or anyone who can really understand how I feel. God please hear my prayer. I thank you in advance and I seek for an answer soon!

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Now playing: Chicago - You're the Inspiration
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Rossana

2008-03-31T19:20:00.002+08:00

Its been one week since the last post. Haven't got much to type thou but I've been thinking hard these few weeks. So hard that sometimes I can't sleep. There is a feeling inside me that is wanting to escape this body of mine but due to un-circumstance reason, that feeling is trapped inside me.

And why do people think so highly of me? Is it because of the way I behave? Sometime I really wonder is the real me doing all these things that gives them an image of me being a "nice guy" or its another person. Feeling rather LOST. Its all emotions and stuff. Been thinking of my family people as well. Just can't bare to see them living life this way. Well... All I can say is that this feeling sucks!

And its time for me to go home too. I'm still stuck at office and I haven't taken my dinner. Hungry but no appetite. Rawr...

46:58

2008-03-22T01:30:00.002+08:00

Just ended a conversation with someone.. Feeling much better than just now.. Ahhhh

Post 111

2008-03-20T16:38:00.002+08:00

My 111st post..... I can't find my external hard disk !!! Damn sad... Kinda emotional now T_T

Lost for words.............

Clarke "Kuay"

2008-03-16T22:35:00.000+08:00

Peneng Here I Come!

2008-03-16T06:15:00.002+08:00

After hearing that my granduncle passed away, I was told to accompany my grandmother to Peneng to attend the wake and funeral. Had to sacrifice some time away to bring her there.

Believe it anot, this is one of the rushing trips I've ever gone on. I just got my tickets at around 1.30am on Friday(14th) and my flight is just afew hours away. Had to come back and pack my bag but I fell asleep. Woke up at 5.45am by my Mom and she told me its 6 already. Shocked and Panicked!, I decided to chuck everything I see into my bag. Thank God I was still early for my flight which happens to be at 7.45am. Thinking I could at least sleep while flying to Peneng but without a notice, the plane was already landing. Stony and sleepy, I had to call afew relatives who were waiting at the airport for us. Just followed the crowd blindly, I ended up walking around looking for my luggage and my grandmother's. After finding the bags, we headed out to look for my grandfather's 3rd brother. He was waiting to pick us up and head towards the wake.

I think this was an experience I'll never forget. I realise that my late grandfather has 12 Siblings including him! And my grandmother has 10 Siblings including her. It was my first time to Peneng visiting this side of the family. The place that we stayed in is called Batu Ferringi. The place there is super beautiful. It has become one of my goals to visit that place while bagpacking. The whole place looks like a relaxing resort where you could take your mind off everything and go Swimming!

We stayed at a relatives place which happens to be my father's cousin. I do not know what to call him so I called him Uncle Andrew. My dad has a brother which is also my uncle and he is also named Andrew. And both of the Andrews have the same surname! Confusing stuff! haha

Not Appreciated!

2008-03-11T20:42:00.004+08:00

Booo!! Was forced to get food for office colleuges and got scolded for being slow with delivery. So Unfair!!! This is madness!! Really upset with the comment I got. I have a feeling that I'm a glutton for punishment. Damn... So not appreciated!!

Fartss~

No delivery charge also!!! Meow~

ROARSSSSS

Once again

2008-03-09T20:22:00.006+08:00

Sheesh... Miss service yesterday and today. Damn I feel very very off. I seriously need a change in my attitude. Crap!! Feeling shitty now. Extremely shitty.
ROARS!

Miracles

2008-03-05T15:57:00.003+08:00

I need a miracle!

Today, school sucks.. Wasn't only late for school, I was involve in a fight in school. That sucks! I'm now in pain. Then this thought came into my mind. What if I died? What would my family do? Are there regrets? What haven't I accomplish before I died?
Hate this kinda thoughts that comes into my mind. Roar.......... Mao!............

eating disorder

2008-03-04T22:00:00.002+08:00

I realise that I haven't been eating well since Sunday. I didn't even take a bite on Monday and today I felt really really lousy. But still I went for my PE. halfway through PE, the sole of my shoe came off and it kinda look like a crocodile's mouth. Kinda sucks man..

Still thinking of the memories and it can't seem to fade away! It must be something that's keeping this memory trapped in my head!

what can i do with this broken heart

2008-03-03T23:44:00.001+08:00

So suddenly.. Facing rejection is one of the most painful price to pay. It sucks totally!!

The feeling stays

2008-03-03T23:13:00.009+08:00

I'm still feeling shitty. The feeling dwells inside of me can't get out. Not knowing how to release this feeling inside. I really need a breakthrough. How am I supposed to carry on with this feeling inside of me. In need of help!
Trying to get over something that happened. Nicholas is trying his very best but isn't gaining anything! Its to painful to just let it go as for normal.

Life and Death

2008-03-03T16:21:00.002+08:00

Guess what? I was almost aborted when I was in my mother's womb. She was given a decision to abort me but thank God she didn't if not I wouldn't be here now. What my mom said to me this afternoon really shook me. Why can't I be like a normal child? A child which is not so stubborn. I really wanna change my attitude and put the past to past.

My Life

Jesus You are the saviour of my soul

Inspiration

What's going on with Nicholas? Something catastrophic has happened? Shugs.

Vulgarities. What creates the addiction? I constantly pray that God will change you back once again who you used to be.

I love you God and I haven't live a day without thanking You. Continue looking after Jolene, keeping her away from trouble. Continue to mould her too.

My mind still thinks of you every now and then. I would really love to see you right now. Wonder how have you been these few weeks.

Define Simplicity. Living each day thinking about the past leads to no where. I still do think of you everyday,

I still wanna love you like I did before.

Hurts to see this go on everyday

I've been thinking of you very minute I'm alive

Missing her every minute of my days left on earth

I wanna start a fight

17th Day in London without her

Past, Present & God's plan

My Stomach

Dinner

Mind Overload

Happy Birthday Stanley

G20

Chew my heart up

Nicholas Chew

Unfair

God is Good

Upsetting

Updates

Shalom

Geeeeeeeeeeeees

Inspiration

throw it all away

controlled

goober

Updates

Doesn't solve anything

First 10 days

Back today, there tomorrow

years end

Today i fly

Complications

upside down

Christmas

thoughts

Daddy's Rules

Amazing love

daily post

Another day of my life with Christ

Time for a change

Rant rant rant

Sisters

Kayak??

Fights

night cycling

God is Good

you've gotta be kidding

past, present

Plans to go MACINTOSH

Things to get done by this month / year / life time

Laptop under service

Its about time

Its gonna rain

My Life My Legacy

Updates

Plans

got me a new haircut

Time for a new layout *help needed*

Weird i guess?

A happy ending ends up making people crazy

How to overcome a problem

Orange Jasmine - 七里香 - Qi Li Xiang

Mother's Day

Flames to dust

i wanna hold your hand

Success Resources Pte Ltd

Swollen Knuckles

Wealth Expo

Grandfather

Marina Square

tired

Bawitdaba

Uberly Cool!

Time for a new layout help needed