Nicholas

Its been one week since the last post. Haven't got much to type thou but I've been thinking hard these few weeks. So hard that sometimes I can't sleep. There is a feeling inside me that is wanting to escape this body of mine but due to un-circumstance reason, that feeling is trapped inside me.

And why do people think so highly of me? Is it because of the way I behave? Sometime I really wonder is the real me doing all these things that gives them an image of me being a "nice guy" or its another person. Feeling rather LOST. Its all emotions and stuff. Been thinking of my family people as well. Just can't bare to see them living life this way. Well... All I can say is that this feeling sucks!

And its time for me to go home too. I'm still stuck at office and I haven't taken my dinner. Hungry but no appetite. Rawr...

♥ 19:20

Just ended a conversation with someone.. Feeling much better than just now.. Ahhhh

♥ 01:30

My 111st post..... I can't find my external hard disk !!! Damn sad... Kinda emotional now T_T

Lost for words.............

♥ 16:38

♥ 22:35

After hearing that my granduncle passed away, I was told to accompany my grandmother to Peneng to attend the wake and funeral. Had to sacrifice some time away to bring her there.

Believe it anot, this is one of the rushing trips I've ever gone on. I just got my tickets at around 1.30am on Friday(14th) and my flight is just afew hours away. Had to come back and pack my bag but I fell asleep. Woke up at 5.45am by my Mom and she told me its 6 already. Shocked and Panicked!, I decided to chuck everything I see into my bag. Thank God I was still early for my flight which happens to be at 7.45am. Thinking I could at least sleep while flying to Peneng but without a notice, the plane was already landing. Stony and sleepy, I had to call afew relatives who were waiting at the airport for us. Just followed the crowd blindly, I ended up walking around looking for my luggage and my grandmother's. After finding the bags, we headed out to look for my grandfather's 3rd brother. He was waiting to pick us up and head towards the wake.

I think this was an experience I'll never forget. I realise that my late grandfather has 12 Siblings including him! And my grandmother has 10 Siblings including her. It was my first time to Peneng visiting this side of the family. The place that we stayed in is called Batu Ferringi. The place there is super beautiful. It has become one of my goals to visit that place while bagpacking. The whole place looks like a relaxing resort where you could take your mind off everything and go Swimming!

We stayed at a relatives place which happens to be my father's cousin. I do not know what to call him so I called him Uncle Andrew. My dad has a brother which is also my uncle and he is also named Andrew. And both of the Andrews have the same surname! Confusing stuff! haha

♥ 06:15

Booo!! Was forced to get food for office colleuges and got scolded for being slow with delivery. So Unfair!!! This is madness!! Really upset with the comment I got. I have a feeling that I'm a glutton for punishment. Damn... So not appreciated!!

Fartss~

No delivery charge also!!! Meow~

ROARSSSSS

♥ 20:42

Sheesh... Miss service yesterday and today. Damn I feel very very off. I seriously need a change in my attitude. Crap!! Feeling shitty now. Extremely shitty.
ROARS!

♥ 20:22

I need a miracle!

Today, school sucks.. Wasn't only late for school, I was involve in a fight in school. That sucks! I'm now in pain. Then this thought came into my mind. What if I died? What would my family do? Are there regrets? What haven't I accomplish before I died?
Hate this kinda thoughts that comes into my mind. Roar.......... Mao!............

♥ 15:57

I realise that I haven't been eating well since Sunday. I didn't even take a bite on Monday and today I felt really really lousy. But still I went for my PE. halfway through PE, the sole of my shoe came off and it kinda look like a crocodile's mouth. Kinda sucks man..

Still thinking of the memories and it can't seem to fade away! It must be something that's keeping this memory trapped in my head!

♥ 22:00

So suddenly.. Facing rejection is one of the most painful price to pay. It sucks totally!!

♥ 23:44

I'm still feeling shitty. The feeling dwells inside of me can't get out. Not knowing how to release this feeling inside. I really need a breakthrough. How am I supposed to carry on with this feeling inside of me. In need of help!
Trying to get over something that happened. Nicholas is trying his very best but isn't gaining anything! Its to painful to just let it go as for normal.

♥ 23:13

Guess what? I was almost aborted when I was in my mother's womb. She was given a decision to abort me but thank God she didn't if not I wouldn't be here now. What my mom said to me this afternoon really shook me. Why can't I be like a normal child? A child which is not so stubborn. I really wanna change my attitude and put the past to past.

♥ 16:21

Talked about something that wasn't very pleasant just now over supper. It clearly went off my mind that Aunty June's dad is still in ICU and is miles away from where she is now and I just spoke my way about how my grandfather passed away last year and how Tammie who didn't know anything spoke about how her grandmother passed away last year too. All I can do now is to blame myself for not being sensitive in this area. Oh how people can come and go anytime. I just wanna pray for Aunty June's dad to keep him in good condition. Sorry for being insensitive over supper just now. I was really emotional just now. Dammn... ROAR~!

♥ 04:23

Pineapple!! I'm still not asleep yet. Decided to blog once more. Unleashing all my worries and sorrows! Supercalifugelisticespealodocious...... How random! Some where in the crowd theres you....
Tammie~!
So whats going on? Can I have an explanation? Hungry! Hungry! I'm feeling hungry now!! meow! Is there a soul out there who can understand and feel how I feel? Georgia Banks... Oh how I can't understand myself! Roar~! gimme gimme gimme

♥ 04:14

Funny eh blogging at this time. Feeling really shitty now cause some things happened this evening. It totally blew my mind off and today is a day I'll never forget. The pain from hearing those words coming out of someone's mouth that you love. Whats even worst is that its your own family member. I totally felt shitty after that. But that didn't end there. I had a large sharp object literary pierce through my heart. Today isn't a pleasant day for me. I almost gave up everything and wanted to stop everything I was doing. I totally have no mood to talk to anyone, nor doing anything. This feeling sucks big time. But thank God there were people who saw my body language and spoke to me. Tried to console and it helped a little. Not much of a difference when that person did something that made me feel even worst. Seriously this cannot continue! One day I think I'll just break down and get some kind of mental sickness!! Nicholas!! you can't continue doing this! Put a stop to all these kinds of non-senses! ROAR~!!

♥ 03:36