I shouldn't be doing this at a time like this but I find that there's too much inside of me that has to be expressed through words if not, conversations. I have lost this feeling of urgency. I'm really trying to gain it back. My senses are numb as for currently. I have yet to find what's the cause of this feeling. My feelings are relied on my actions. How I act determines my feelings. Sometimes I'd just stare blankly at the recent gloomy sky. Watch as the rain comes and wet the whole area. Creating a mess out of everything in its way. Wonder how much damage it might cause to the people around. I can just blankly stare into it for hours not getting bored but what do I gain? I will not gain anything through this action.
I want to do so much but there are so much restrictions in growing up/life. Well its part and parcels of life, growing up. I'll just have to be patient.
I'm still wondering what's planned for me ahead and I wonder what's on God's mind that's planned out for me. Seriously I wonder and think about this. I have a long day tomorrow and I'm spending my time blogging now. Can't carry on like this. My sleeping habits have to change! Seriously an urgent change is what I crave now! So many unexpected happenings occurred these few weeks. Well, some were pleasant and some weren't. Unfortunately, I'm involved in afew of these happenings. I've got to get some rest now before my exam tomorrow.
Cheers readers although I think there aren't any. =\----------------
♥ 02:20
Conclusion, my sleeping habits have changed. I can't live on like this once again. I used to have insomnia. Getting it almost every week of my secondary school life. Just getting plain upset to receive it once again. I hope that it'll change soon!
I've been up to lots of thinking these 3 days. Thinking about my plans, worries and family. I have a great family to begin with. Some might not agree with me yet some do. I thank God for placing me into this family. Sometimes I do get alittle pissed @ the things my parents do but nevertheless, they're after all my parents. I have to really appreciate my aunts and uncles. They are really nice people to know. Being their nephew, I really sense the love from them. The love they portrait to their kids too. I do look up to them as good upbringing for their kids. I want to set myself a standard through their actions like spending quality time with their kids and spouse. I want to make sure that I do that even if time makes it hard.
Anything can be a problem but its what we want that problem's outcome to be lies in our hands. I currently have problems. Even the world's successful person do have problems. Problems are never far from anyone. Its how we face that issue and how we manage matters. I do want to face my problems and issues in a different matter. Facing the problems sometimes takes courage too and where do we gain this courage? I find my courage in Christ. God has never fail to see me through every problem and issue. Its just whether I want to look for Him or not.
There are so many things to yak about but I need to find time to catch up on rest too. Its about time I turn in before heading down to Ps Richard's house. I need to find that place too. Not sure how I'm gonna get there but I'm sure I'm gonna get there somehow.
Sometimes it takes time to heal wounds whereas sometimes the would are penetrated so deep its hard to know when it'll heal
♥ 09:01
Realised that I'm blessed with family members who really care about my well being and my welfare. I can't express my love and concern for them currently and it really sucks to be in a state where I want to do something for them yet I can't. I have not thank God enough for this blessing. I really feel like running away far from where I am now but its a really selfish thinking to be thought of.
I have not yet found what I was looking for. I thought I did find but it kind of backfired and I must say that I did rush @ things too. I have many regrets but my uncle told me once that if you don't change now, you'll regret even more. Change the thinking and he believe I'll succeed. I have no confidence in myself no more. Its that I've been bitten over and over again. I wonder when is this ever gonna stop?
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Now playing:
Damien Rice - Cannonballvia FoxyTunes I do wonder sometimes if my aunts and uncle understands how I feel and feel what I've gone through. Having the intentions of pouring myself out once again. Wondering what I'm doing this for too. Am I gaining attentions or do I just write/type my hearts out. Feeling really caught up this time round. I haven't been myself recently. I do feel different too. Wonder if what did happen was the reason for my being this way. Sigh
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Now playing:
David Cook - Declarationvia FoxyTunes
♥ 01:47
I realised that I've been a laughing stock and I do not really take it to heart. What really matters most currently is my relationship with God and studies. I really need to get back in track with God and for my studies, I need to focus more on it now. I have been thinking
alot recently and I realised that thinking gets me no where. Its about time I should stop thinking and execute my plans. There's a thinking process I should place before actions too but thinking moderately is what I have in mind. Its just that I have no control of thinking moderate. I have to get right with stuff nowadays. I've just been upset over
alot of issues that happened. Not knowing where else to run to, I've decided to occupy myself with things to do. I'm really lost right now and have no motivation to continue this post. Just shoot me.
Was thinking again and couldn't find an answer. Do I invite trouble myself of do trouble come find me due to my invitations? Not knowingly, I do invite troubles. Why do things screw up when ever I encounter them. I thought that things were going fine. It really sucks to be me in this situation. I wonder when will I ever learn not to fall into temptations.
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Now playing:
Paramore - Misery Businessvia FoxyTunes
♥ 03:13